Spooky Tale Collector Gifts

Floods leave man and ghost stranded.

"Kids, you may have heard something, but there are no such things as ghosts."

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

"Well, what did you expect? They were both missing vital organs."

Fairy Library - Frontispiece to Jack and the Beanstalk

The Poky Little Pupa.

"It's such a beautiful day. Why don't we go out and get someone to eat?"

"That's her - that's the girl who broke into our house! But her hair was 'goldier'."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

'I'm the ghost of Christmas future. I'm hammered, can we do this later...?'

Wicca Heritage Centre: Hansel and Gretel stayed here.

"Do you live nearby by any chance? I hate to eat in public."

Fairy Library - Cinderella Marries the Prince

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Define fair."

Marley had a little lamb

Rapunzcow

7 More Dwarfs

"Once, I tried to change the laces, and the Landmarks Commission came down on me like a ton of bricks."

'That's my weird Uncle Benny. He claims that he was abducted by aliens in white lab coats.'

Fairy Library - Hop o' my Thumb Title Page

"One blackbird pizza?"

"No, I don't think you 'new break shoes', I think you need new break feet. You are supposed to depress the brake pedal you know."

'He's a blight on the whole neighbourhood.'

Alice in Wonderland - Alice Meets the Cheshire Cat.

"I know we're not supposed to invite them over the threshold dear, but it seemed awfully rude to leave him standing on the doorstep."

"I forgive you, Bumpty."

"And then the three bears were slowly forced out of the neighborhood due to major corporations cornering the market—The once cozy cottage is now an Air B&B." "The end."

"When they assured me the solar panels would look like crackers, I said "What the hell!"'

"I hate to spoil your porridge, but your son has a blonde in his room."

'I can't believe this: We spend all our time hiding from humans, but they keep on publishing stories about us anyway...'

Wonderland Auto Dealers. We have some very satisfied customers. Humpty Dumpty loves the airbags in his new car! Hansel and Gretel are happy with their GPS. And the three bears think their security system will prevent break-ins. Goldilocks probably wishes the three bears bought something with keyless entry. The biggest complaint is from Cinderella. Did her car into a pumkin? No, this time it's a lemon!

'If you cut back on children, at least try to eat them before they nibble on your house.'

William Tell in his younger years.