Spiritual Stairmaster Gifts

"The reward is Heaven and a set of well-toned glutes."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"And these are the Fab Four Noble Truths."

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Home depot."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You must heal yourself.'

'There is no past. No future. Only the present, which is changing every instant. Time is merely an illusion. Got it?'

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

FAQs.

Christian and Born again Christian...

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

The Path

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

"Did you have a cat?"

Parachuting bishop.

"All the celebrities come here."

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

'The Karma of the marketplace is about to overwhelm the Dogma of policy making,'