Spiritual Stairmaster Pillows

"The reward is Heaven and a set of well-toned glutes."

"Soul searching? Yes, you could call it that."

'It's a nice idea. A bit rough around the edges but I'm sure it will evolve given time.'

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

"Home depot."

"When you say the meek will inherit the earth, does that include the mineral rights?"

"Honey, I’ve found God!"

"Tell her she's dead. I don't want to talk about the relationship."

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Jesus's First and Less-Heralded Miracle Walk,

'You must heal yourself.'

"Look, if I had all the answers, would I be living alone on the top of a mountain?"

"I know you're scared, but you can do this! Remember that time I had to clean up after you and I didn't have a bag and had to use leaves?! I was so afraid, but I did it…"

"Yes, alright! I know it's a small mountain... I'm only a novice oracle."

Madame Lucille - Fortune Teller 'I predict the future'.

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Christian and Born again Christian...

Proceed no further if chakras not aligned.

The Path

"Would you like to leave a message? He's on the throne"

Parachuting bishop.

"I often consult with a higher authority... my grandmother."

"Did you have a cat?"

"All the celebrities come here."

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"This condo includes free access to fitness facilities...7 flights of stairs."

"Hey Frank, any plans for after church?"

"Are you sure I 'can't take it with me'? I brought some for you."

'The Karma of the marketplace is about to overwhelm the Dogma of policy making,'