Spiritual Skydiver Gifts

Parachuting bishop.

"Ooh, ooh, I know this koan! I got it! Pick me! Pick me!"

"Oh, great - They changed the Meaning of Life again."

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Very Difficult Conversations

"I'm TRYING to extinguish my ego, but I feel so CONSPICUOUS up here!"

"I never dreamed we'd migrate."

'I wonder why scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats.'

'I think I just had an epiphany. How do I make it go away?'

'Truth is fine, but I really need marketable ideas.'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

'No, really, go ahead. You know me - I'm all about the journey, not the food pellet!'

'Don't be embarrassed ? when I first attained Nirvana, I wet my pants, too.'

"Do you have an appointment?"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"Show off."

"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

'He hasn't been the same since the Goodyear blimp sneaked up behind him.'

All we have in life is this moment...

'Enlightenment-shmenlightenment - what I'm worried about is tenure!'

'No, I didn't get a presidential pardon, but I got something better. God has forgiven me.'

'Have you been working out?'

Pastor puts up sign on pole stating that he is 'serving' his 1,000th sermon.

'Come off it-she only said the guys will be fighting over us because you said we lived UNDER a boxing club!'

"Oh, it's you, I'm glad I picked up.You wouldn't believe how many annoying telepathicmarketing calls I get."

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"I cried because I had no shoes, till I met a man who had athlete's foot."

Late-Onset Epiphany