Spiritual Protector Pillows

Nun confronts mugger.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

A Hole in the Dike

Child protects planet with umbrella.

'Uh, Dad - My wife thinks she and I should have a mountain of our own.'

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Go ahead. This one seems too arrogant."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Are we there yet? Huh? Have we achieved Nirvana yet? Huh, have we?'

'The secret to great wealth and spiritual contentment? Ok, hold on...I think I've got an app for that..'

'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'

'I'll be back in three or four months - Hold that thought.'

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"'Procreate'! I've climbed all this way to hear that the meaning of life is 'procreate'?!"

'You're in luck. Business ethics is a gray area.'

"Really? a frikkin' math question?"

"I seek enlightenment - and a way to outsource our company's tech support."

"If anyone wants me, Ms. Clark, I'll be down in the youth department."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

“Just one question...how on earth do I get down?!?”

"All the celebrities come here."

Book of Life, Answers in Back.

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'I was trying to extinguish my ego, and I got an Out of Memory Error.'

'Avoid the Christmas rush, drink now.

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"

"Couldn't you just set up a facebook page or a blog?"

'Oh, the guru is up on the next peak -- I'm his agent.'

"How do I get down?"

"Welcome aboard - That'll be your work station over there."

'Let me remind you that any advice you receive is protected by copyright and I retain all rights therein.'

Minister Starts at a New Church

'Don't look upon me as a priest, look upon me as your personal 'After Life Coach.''

'I don't offer any free advice anymore. I am offering a self-help seminar and a motivational coaching program online.'

"As for the meaning of life, it doesn't have to suck."