Spiritual Pragmatist Gifts

"...He's just freelancing for Mammon!"

'So, what's for dinner ...a séance?'

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"He was furiously reading the Bible before he died." "Looking for loopholes."

'It's a zen diaphragm.'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"It's really important to me, as an artist, to make you feel like drinking more than usual so I get hired back."

Drive-thru Church

..and with our new spirit website you can keep in touch with all your dead friends!

'... And your wife says; don't bother looking for the key to the drinks cabinet, because she's hidden it where you'll never find it.'

'Your deceased husband keeps saying: don't call him. He'll call you.'

"I'm not only a Guardian Angel, I'm also an expert at turnarounds."

'Is there a lady in the audience whose late husband says he never did put up that shelf?'

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"The only thing I'm sensing is an entrepreneurial spirit."

"Your husband says BOO!"

Cat Seance

The Clinton Campaign, post-mid-September

"You're on mute."

"Restless spirit, we don't know who or what you are, but thank you for your amazing Wi-Fi, and for keeping the signal strong."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'I got one of those new crystal ball smart watches.'

'He says he's tried sending you tweets but his cell phones keep melting.'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

"I call it the The Power of Positive Pessimism. Knowing full well that most of the things I try almost always end in disaster, yet somehow finding enjoyment in every step of the process. It works for me!"

Cemetery: Communicated with your loved one see Madam Zolta within.

'Thanks, but no. It just doesn't add up.'

Spiritual Show Observed by the Grim Reaper.

I am one with stupid.

'The tax and tip I understand, but what's this charge for shipping and handling?'

'I hope there's something better on the 'other side'!..'

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

The response of a spirit during a seance is in fact an annoyed neighbour.

'You act surprised.'