Spiritual Jester Pillows

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

"I don't know. I guess you mount it on the back of your car."

"But Wendy could serve the Lord. She'll keep the cats out."

When they say New-Ager, they mean neurotic.

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

"I suppose you think that's funny."

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

Cheap amusement with... THE HAPPY COUPLE!

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Somewhere in France - John O'Dowd jests away his junior year abroad

'Thanks for making it guys. Come on in and pull up a chair.' A square hole in an office floor where chairs can be pulled up from

I am one with stupid.

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"Sorry - I've got to take this..."

Eucharist

Monks play conkers with crucifix

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

'I just glanced back at Sodom and Gomorrah for a second...'

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

'I said that I didn't want to be interrupted...'

'Houston, you're not going to believe this...'

'Ambitious? You sit there admitting you're a troublemaker!'

"He may only be three years old, but he has 21 years of tech experience."

'Let us now turn to the Gospel According to St. Matthew for today's sob story.'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

We're prepared to offer you a starting salary in the low six figures...if you count the decimal.

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

"Wow, I've never met an astronomer before."