Philosophical Jester Pillows

'Today's retribution level is LOW.'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

Books / Coffee table books

"Ever wondered about the development of mankind if, just before the big bang, a voice said 'Oops!'"

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

'Fear of getting caught is understandable but fear of water, I think, requires counselling.'

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

Munich Security Conference

I am one with stupid.

"'Article I. Section 9. Claus B. No title of nobility shall be granted by the United States' - we gotta change that."

"I'd like an application form for the position of minister, please!"

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

'My client asserts that walking on land was his idea and he therefore claims 50% of all subsequent profits.'

"The Real Reason For Global Warming."

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

"He's a super-calloused fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis."

'Houston, you're not going to believe this...'

Mama Z'Belle...astrologer...your fortune based on the science of astronomy: 'Oh, oh it looks like your chart has shifted red...'

"Before I start today's sermon let's take 5 minutes to view the highlights reel from the last 3 Sundays..."

Poet's Corner

'Maybe the Universe isn't expanding -- maybe it's just you.'

"Last dunk and then we need to do work."

Watch the author miss his deadline 4 to 7

"Wow, I've never met an astronomer before."

The Ekert Saga: '...Oh...did I fahget to mention it happened behfah, physicists call it the big bang..'

Donald Trump's Flying Circus

"How would I know what 'the meaning of life' is...? I was hoping you were mountain rescue!"