Intellectual Jester Pillows

'You are charged with plagiarizing a seventeenth-century sonnet. Won't you academics ever learn?'

DIMINATI

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

'To make up for the decline in snail mail deliveries, I've taken to biting my master every time he gets an e-mail.'

Bad Interview Technique

Books / Coffee table books

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

Pandora's Change Purse...

"I'd have been here sooner if it hadn't been for early detection."

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"What if it's smarter than us?"

"Hi, I'm the new IT-security-expert! Where is your server room? I want to see if I can overcome your firewall!"

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."

"To maintain proper respect for management, you have to call me 'Boss Joey!' Unless, you know, you don't want to."

Man Tries Use Telescope In Observatory As Cannon.

"I only have two apps on my phone. One makes me spend all my money and the other gives me embezzling tips."

'Dr. Young is a professor at one of the nation's leading party schools.'

I am one with stupid.

"Solar flares may be a contributing factor or perhaps it's a negative vibe sensitivity...."

Thomas Carlyle

Dept. de Philosophie

"Yuck! Som'one left their nose in this book!"

That's Roderick Sloan, the Alvin Meriwether professor of business administration, and with him is Alvin Meriwether, the Roderick Sloan professor of economics.