Educated Jester Pillows

'I graduated magna cum quat.'

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

'My reading comprehension is so-so, but I do make up for it with my highlighting skills.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

'I ace 'wheeling' but I flunked 'dealing'' - Boy on leaving Business Administration.

"Take this declaration of war and punch it up."

"Can you change this quiz grade from an A to a C? I like to keep expectations low until I blow my parents' mind by acing the final exam."

''C-minus'? ??" Do you know how long it took me to find and download this term paper?'

'How's everyone doing tonight - that is the question.'

"I always check twitter before work, to see if yesterday's joke got me the sack."

"Philosophy Department. Why may I direct your call?"

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Unless one is a humorist, Haskins. One should avoid attempts at humor."

"Nous somme desir-eh, go, er, allez, erm, universitaire français, s'il vous plait."

"Political Science... that's in the Department of Performing Arts."

"Phyllis, this isn�t my laptop..."

'WELL, that certainly was a frank discussion! Shall we proceed to the inevitable apologies, retractions and clarifications?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

"Some school - They teach us about the Fifth Amendment, but they won't let us use it on TESTS!"

'When I was studying animal husbandry, I met the animal who became my husband.'

'Ms. Blumter, please get me a copy of Educational Leadership for Dummies.'

Books / Coffee table books

King and Jester

I'm doing poorly, but that's without performance enhancing drugs.

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

"Humiliation is a very important part of the the process, Mr. Keifer."

"I think someone put Bob on vibrate."

"But seriously do you think my eclectic knowledge of the history of the development of the claw hammer makes me more of a sex magnet?"

"Yes, next year you'll be moving from classroom to classrooms, and, no, it doesn't count as PE."

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'Keep it under you hat, but I want you to enrich some uranium.'

'I'm looking for someone who can make me laugh.'

"When I want your advice, I'll ask for it... but in an oblique, face-saving way."

"Guilty of a sense of humor in a tight-ass world."

"Gracie, don't worry so much about your big test... You know, when I was your age, I didn't know the meaning of the word 'fear'. Until I looked it up."