Spidey Lovers Pillows

"I hear someone here like The Spider Man..."

"I've come across a rather disturbing find, Carstairs!"

'Say baby - 'come live with me and be my love, and we will all the pleasures prove, that valleys, groves, hills and fields,woods or steepy mountain yields' - Marlowe.'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

The Awful Lawfuls Chapter 10

'Romeo and Julietta'

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

"Hey, wait a minute! Isn't that our TV cable?"

Date Night

The next damn Batman.

Sighting of the elusive Bigpaw

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

'What do you mean, I'm not your type?'

"Can you tell me the story again about how you swiped right on Dad?"

"I'm sick and tired of black."

"Now, cover your second, fourth and seventh eyes and read the next line."

Heart is sewn back together.

"It's your turn to change him."

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Part Twenty One

Spider Press-Ups

"Do you believe in Bigfoot?"

Woman with blouse zipped up to varying degrees. Arrows read, 'single,' 'married, 'happily married.'

"I'm not going to lie. This looks pretty serious."

'Be my Valentine?'

'Man, when was the last time you had your eyes tested?'

'Look, Dad! It's a masked, super hero.'

Canute Does It Again

'These days,' she says, 'nothing gets a rise out of him.'

Spider Exhibit. It says spiders can have hundreds of children at the same time. No wonder they climb the walls! (Published originally on July 23, 2002.)

'How much for NO stems?'

'Forget about the Holy Grail for now - I want you to look for weapons of mass destruction.'

'Let's get married,Miss Jones and have 2.8 kids!'

Dizzy Spider

'Furthermore, Your Honor, Miss Muffet's testimony ignored a much larger civil rights issue: the defendant's right to come along and sit down beside her in a clearly marked public space!'

The new Avengers movie is going to be better than the new X-Men movie because it's not about saving the whole world. Yeah. People are tired of blockbusters where the fate of the whole world is at stake. That's why "The Martian" did so well. It was only about the fate of Matt Damon and his potato garden. I want to see a movie where aliens try to conquer Venus and nobody cares. We really should have our own movie review show.