Spider Storyteller Gifts

'But did I give up. No, out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and your great-great granddad went up that spout again.'

"I miss my husband, he was a good provider...and tasted good!"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

The Amazing Man-Spider

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Dinner at the Trapdoors

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

Extreme Bungy

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

Tim Burton

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

Frankenstein's Ancestry

Idle parts

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

'I want you to bring me one.'

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

Spider Web Stocking

"That Feng Shui class I took is paying off!"

'Are we there yet?'