Spider Storyteller Pillows

'But did I give up. No, out came the sun and dried up all the rain, and your great-great granddad went up that spout again.'

"I miss my husband, he was a good provider...and tasted good!"

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

The Ferocious Viking Wiener Dog

Dinner at the Trapdoors

The Amazing Man-Spider

Yeah, it's funny, but you'll see, in this house, it's the guy who screams the loudest...

A spider is afraid of another spider's mask.

'...heard the one about the Venusian, the Martian and the Saturnian?'

"Wait—what did I come into this room to do?"

Extreme Bungy

Woodpecker carving pumpkins

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

Child makes a toy and frightens himself.

"Sorry, Pal. Sometimes nature's not very pretty."

Tim Burton

"Its been on the market for over two years. The estate agent reckons it's something to do with negative edibility!"

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Hey, what am I, chopped liver?'

'It's a little varietal I bottle myself...Type A positive.'

"I don't care if it's a boy or a girl, as long as it's undead."

"It's the great pumpkin's psychotic uncle Mitch, Charlie Brown."

'And then as the young rat turned around, he realized he was in the junior high, block one dissection class!'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

Idle parts

Frankenstein's Ancestry

'Sure, but will you still love me when I bite off your head and eat it?'

"There's a cure—but it's light-years away."

"Yes, in the jungle, the mighty jungle, the lion sleeps tonight, but he snores!"

"The Ruin is under new management. Specters will manage wraiths, shades and spirits. All others report to be spook resources. Bonuses will be based on team work and synergy."

Born of the Dead

Spider's Web Trampoline

'Looks like the soup comes with flies.'

Spider Web Stocking

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'