Speed Walker Gifts

They're using our @#$% slipstream again.

Ancient Racing

"Now, let's get out there and walk really fast to places we don't want to be."

"You can't compare apples and oranges because oranges have longer legs."

Bob's Driving School.

The Slug Replaces the Cheetah as the Fastest Animal on Earth.

A smiling cyclist

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

'Now will you pull over and ask for directions?'

'My new browser is so fast I have to take motion sickness pills.'

"Does it ever cross your mind that we make a lot of money because no one else wants to do what we do?"

A caterpillar is rowing itself along

"An enormous amount of advanced engineering has gone into our latest models. That's not to say, of course, that an enormous amount of advanced engineering hasn't always gone into all our models."

Computer Controlled Car

"Speed reader...?"

'He's on a high carbohydrate diet,'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

The What's-The-Hurry? Institute

"Now we're really in trouble!!! It's the Power Walking Dead!!!"

Cow outboard engine

'I'd love to put you behind the wheel of this car. However, I doubt the bank will allow you to finance it for 30,000 months.'

'I wanted a little more speed. I just hope I'm not violating any laws by using a jet engine.'

'I normally don't ride a dirt bike, but my motorcycle doesn't do well on potholes.'

"So the question you need to ask yourself is - 'Just how much of a mid-life crisis can I afford?'"

"My boss wanted someone with drive so I hired a NASCAR racer."

"Unfortunately, extinction was inevitable for the Have-a-need-for-speed-asaurus."

Pamplona 500

GPS flag in road

Slipstream

"What an amazing view!"

Pedalo Racer

"I don't get it. If he's no faster than me, how come he always beats me?"

"What about your precious opposable thumbs now?"

Racing pit crew member holds sign for driver: Stop And Ask For Directions.

'I guess we both enjoy long slow walks together.'