Speed Reading Skeptic Gifts

"I'm afraid there's a fine to pay. This book about speed reading is overdue."

Library Returns

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

"Yep, I've read this chapter before."

"Barb's such a fast reader."

"I've had a lot of exercise today! I jumped to several conclusions, ran my mouth on the phone, and I just cycled through 500 cable channels!"

'It's very fast-paced. The book was over before I could finish reading it.'

"My blood type...it's the type that doesn't like to exercise."

'This book thing, Mum, where do I plug it in?'

And this model comes with a fitness tracker.

"Are you sure he tested negative?"

'Well done Hopkins - I hear you cleared your in tray for the first time in twenty years.'

"Running is great. Unless you compare it with not running."

'Just a minute, officer. I found a loophole in this law book!'

Tripled his reading speed with no loss in comprehension.

"I'm doing a Kickstopper project!" "What?" "I was going to write a book... but do we really need another book in this world? So... Kickstopper—people donate money to stop me from writing. I won't write it so I'll never ask you to read it. I'd pay money to not read your book. Thanks." "You're welcome." "I'm also starting projects to not start a band, not write poetry and not tell you about my dreams."

'I don't have time to read a book a month, what about a pamphlet club?'

Church Drive-Thru.

Rapid reading center.

Airport Security. I had to go through the security pat-down three times --- They had trouble believing this is just my body and I'm not hiding anything.

'I felt an overwhelming nostalgia for the old video games where you sit on your arse.'

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

"Just give me the broad strokes."

"Idolistentopodcastsatdoublespeed. How'dyouknow?"

"The secret to speed reading is skipping every other page."

"It took me 4 years to finish my book!"

'Bud's body is in a pretty good shape; it's his mind that needs work.'

"He says he's three months late because of Readers' Block!"

'You need an exercise program other than bar-hopping.'

A man reading whilst running on the word LIBRARY

'Is your boyfriend working late?' 'No... He's a slow reader.'

"Yes... I'd like to cancel my membership to the company fitness program immediately."

The closest I get to running these days is jogging my memory!

"I'm entering the school talent show!"

'I did a push-up once - It didn't do me any good at ALL!'