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'What a wonderful concession speech - we should have voted for him after all.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Inclusive speech

What's normal?

Stephen Spender.

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"I said slime."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

MLK

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

A pretention of playwrights

"You can't beat the smell of the greasepaint..."

'I've never seen anyone lip-sync a speech before.'

Toenail clipping missile.

'Sir, you inaugural speech is simply wonderful. I would just suggest you say 'dear employees' instead of 'hey, you bunch of lousy slaves'.'

A. Lincoln, President. The "of the people, by the people, for the people" part is great, Abe, but the "people who need people" section may be overkill.

'The inaugural address? It's sort of like an opening monologue.'

Business coach hiding in speach desk.

'I'll try to keep my remarks brief.'

1874 - Winston Churchill was born at Blenheim palace

Time for speeches

'Vote for me. I'm ready, and willing. Two out of three isn't bad.'

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

Dove of Peace and Free Speech

'Vote for me because my Super PAC raised lots more money than my opponent's Super PAC.'

Airport

"I would like to thank all the big and little and in between people."

William Pitt the Elder

"Do your thing, Phil...lull them into submission."