Speech Connoisseur Gifts

The Gettysburg Address in process.

Jerry Brown.

And if elected, I promise to be a good listener.

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

'The meaning of communinication is the response we get'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

Inclusive speech

What's normal?

Dialogue

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

Changing Minds

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

"Now that I can talk, here's my speaking fee."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

"He's a guard dog."

Men gossiping

With the popularity of spell-checkers, many people are turning to the new speech-checkers.

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

"Help! I'm surrounded by idiots."

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'