Speech Connoisseur Gifts

The Gettysburg Address in process.

Jerry Brown.

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

Inclusive speech

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

What's normal?

Dialogue

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"He's a guard dog."

"Pardon me, Vito, but I'm holding the talking stick now."

Changing Minds

'It's our own consumer confidence test. Throw some nickels out and if they're picked up in 5 minutes confidence is really low!'

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"My master's vowel hyperarticulation is wearing a bit thin..."

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

Men gossiping

A hammer in his den enjoying a cigar and port with his collection of trophy thumbs above his head.

"I liked the fee-fi-fo-fum part, but I found the rest of his speech racist and repellent."

'Why don't you try seeing it from your point of view?'

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

'Well ladies and gentlemen, I'm sure my little talk has made you all think'

'You obviously took my suggestion to reduce stress to the extreme.'

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"It probably got lost in the voice mail."

"OK, now another guy found a feather in his soup! One of you is molting, and I need to know who!"

"Oh! It's you! I was expecting the machine."