Speech Buff Gifts

Sen.Krupt. The microphone I didn't know was on took my remarks out of context.

"Here are my notes on collateralized debt obligation. Make me sound like I know what I'm talking about."

Unintelligible speaker at Subway Announcers Dinner.

Lispers Anonymous

"Yethhh, hello. . .are you clothed?"

"Speechmaking during a pandemic can be unnerving.. just pretend there's an audience!"

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Hey, calm down --- Now, what did you say again?

Ban on Free Speech

"Stepping on the gown never works. They run faster without it."

Inclusive speech

Grand Canyon. What's so great about the Grand Canyon?...Most of it's missing!

Cat Nip.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

What's normal?

'The meek shall inherit the Earth!'

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

Cheeze Wiz.

Wishing Well, Wishing Good.

'He does lack social skills.'

The Golfing Accident

'I look forward to a bigger and bolder vision in my 2nd term.'

"Just a brief moment, Linda, to thank you for my delicious meals. And if you need me by your side... just whistle." "What fresh hell is this?"

Doggone

'Some of these trees have been here for 2000 years... and they still can't talk. Man, we're awesome!'

"Can you tell the oak tree to tell the birch tree to tell the elm tree I said hi?"

Snowman with Happy Face Badge.

Cat Burglar

'No, I'm the marriage counselor. What you need is the semantics counselor down the hall.'

Fishing line going in to water and then dropping down from sky at top of panel.

"I believe I can create a great presentation if I can only tap into my cognitive dissonance."

Wedding disaster #27.

"This is not the first time I have been asked to speak."

Letter Collecting Nerd

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'