Spectator Gifts

'This guy figures to be on his bicycle all night.'

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Church for sports worshipers.

I only root so hard for my time because I hate your team so much.

"I never knew God was such a sports fan."

"I AM at my usual position."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

"Hugh fans!"

"Just one more thump. . . just one more thump."

Time Machine Collision

To attract a bigger audience, the world chess federation allow fans to distract an opponent when it's his move.

Vendor selling testosterone.

'Football...Beer...Popcorn...that is Bernie's Stimulus Package.'

The Epsom Derby - The Finishing Line

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

Beer Order

"I now what you've come to expect from me is physical comedy, but tonight I thought we'd try something a little different."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

"Whaddaya say we head home and curl up in front of a nice warm football game?"

Bench clearing brawl, $5.

"So that's where you were last night."

Various men worshipping a statue of a football

'You can't beat the excitement of a new county season.'

"This is his fifteenth successive Olympics."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

"Remember—we're not Eagles fans or Patriots fans. We're Tom Brady Somehow Gets Humiliated fans."

"Whoa. Check it out, Doug. Your ex-wife is sitting right below us with that dolt she ran off with..."

'Get him in a full nelson, you dolt! You'll never pin him with a Heimlich maneuver!'

"Let me call you back, Lori. I'm binge-watching John clean the gutters."

Football supporters.

Football Game Tickets. These seats are so far from the field we'll need a passport to get to them!

'Frank's last request was that he be cremated and that I never give up his season tickets.'

'Now watch our sales increase.'

Sports Fan - Whoever's Winning

'Why is laying around watching movies considered cozy, but laying around watching football is considered lazy?'