Spam Filter Specialist Gifts

'We need to add an eleventh - 'thou shalt not spam.'

"My Gmail account is full. I can't get any more email." "So?" "I'll miss email. It was so old-timey. You could write hundreds or even thousands of words, with actual paragraphs." "People didn't see any little animations to show them you were typing. They had to actually wonder if you were going to reply." "And the spam was fun. You never got to hear from Nigerian princes while you're checking your texts." "Just delete stuff." "If you delete a few gigs of old emails, you'll be able to get n

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Your computer is not fully protected...

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Spam.

"We have to develop a new way to build our customer base. Antispam software has put a dent in our marketing strategy."

Pandora's Inbox

"Our planet no longer wants to receive email from yours."

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'No dear, there's no post - only junk mail.'

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

'I've located the source of all that annoying spam we've been receiving...preparing to destroy.'

"How many of these 'email blasts' are we talking about, General."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

Internet crap.

"Mmm, Spam."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

Spam on Mousetrap

Vote McWhirtle. No salesman will call!

"Junk mail."

'Another ad for penis-enlargement.'

CR was here. Tony rules! Hello, I'm a Nigerian general's widow. I have a large amount of securities that I need to transfer. Graffiti was bad enough, but now we have graffiti spam!

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

Email Forwards - Self Treatment for Hemorrhoids.

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Man: 'What the...?!' (Internet Spam comes out of a can of spam to the horror of the purchaser.)