Spam Detective Gifts

'Congratulations! You're our 10,000th customer and you've just won 5,000 free pills!'

CR was here. Tony rules! Hello, I'm a Nigerian general's widow. I have a large amount of securities that I need to transfer. Graffiti was bad enough, but now we have graffiti spam!

"Since he's been a plagiarist, committed perjury and runs a Ponzi scheme, trust can be an issue."

"....and then it turned out that the e-mail I ignored that I got from the Nigerian bank offering me £200 million was REAL!"

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Meet the People of the Internet

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

"Hello, I am a Nigerian Prince and I need your help!!! Please send me $500 and your bank routing number. You will rewarded with 10% of 12.7 million dollars and my undying friendship. Best wishes, Prince John Barron."

'I find if I'm the first one in and the first one out, Ponzi schemes can be very lucrative.'

"I hypnotized him into exercising every time he gets a spam in his inbox. He works out 50 times a day."

Spam.

'To be honest I generally only deal with clients by phone or email.'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

'No dear, there's no post - only junk mail.'

Pandora's Inbox

'He's our Spam expert!'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"How many of these 'email blasts' are we talking about, General."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

"Mmm, Spam."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

'Okay, sir, can you identify the spam?'

'We need to add an eleventh - 'thou shalt not spam.'

"Just as I thought! In small print it says our union newsletter was printed in Mexico!"

The eMailman's Creed

Vote McWhirtle. No salesman will call!

'Earn Dollars a Day by Doing Absolutely Nothing!'

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

Spam on Mousetrap

'Any collateral other than this letter from a Nigerian banker's widow?'