Spam Analyst Gifts

'At 10:00 you'll be deleting spam. At 10:15 you'll be forwarding jokes. At 10:35 you'll be playing online poker. At noon...'

"OK, stop me if you've never heard this before!"

Debbie greatly misinterpreted the marriage counselor's suggestion that she and Tom have a monthly 'date night.'

'I delete so much junk mail, my trash can icon turned into a dumpster.'

'There's a gentleman here who's concerned because you haven't responded to not one of his 12 million email spams.'

'I've got a highspeed connection and I get spam... therefore I am!'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Meet the People of the Internet

'To placate the public, we've done away with the cash bonuses and have found another way to compensate you.'

Your computer is not fully protected...

"I don't know man. It sounds a lot like a pyramid scheme to me."

"Good news, your majesty. We may already be a winner."

Spam.

"We have to develop a new way to build our customer base. Antispam software has put a dent in our marketing strategy."

'Yes, I'm gaining weight! Deleting spam all morning makes me really hungry for lunch!'

'Oh no! We're being spammed again!'

Public Meetings: 'If you check the guide it's clear that you only need to say 'chair'.'

Pandora's Inbox

'No dear, there's no post - only junk mail.'

"Your compulsive talk about crazy diets, get rich schemes, and mail order drugs -- your pacemaker's been hacked and you're spamming."

'Good morning. You have twelve million terabyte unread e-mails.'

'He's our Spam expert!'

"I know what the 'e' in 'email' stand for...endless."

"How many of these 'email blasts' are we talking about, General."

Film Casting Co.

"It's boy meets girl, boy and girl do everything you've seen in every other movie."

Mailwoman looks at mailboxes marked Mail - Spam.

Internet crap.

Sorry about the hug. I thought your sign meant, "I love you, too."

"Mmm, Spam."

'Wow! I've got one from someone I know!'

'Okay, sir, can you identify the spam?'

The eMailman's Creed

"If you want proof that your email is working again, then you can read all the spam you just received."

Pay more attention to your mail. All those pre-approved credit cards should raise your self-esteem.