Spaghetti Skeptic Gifts

'Do you call this spaghetti'

"No thanks, I've just had my suit cleaned."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Please don't kill me."

'As far as we know, no one who has eaten our genetically-modified food has turned into a creature or anything.'

'Do I have to give thanks for all the spinach, or just the bite I'm going to eat?'

Spaghetti Road

"I like Casual Dining, but this is too casual. I ordered spaghetti!"

Italian Style Fish 'n' Chips

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

Armstrong, an unmarked truck just delivered a pallet of mystery meat. Turkey. It doesn't look like turkey. It looks more like some sort of dehydrated pigeon. What's it matter? If we slap it in a sandwich, smother it in "gravy," and label it "turkey," customers won't know the difference. Wait, did you just think quotes around the word gravy? "no."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? "Death of a Salesman." Adapted to a fly, of course.

Guy Fieri

"No, we don't have field to plate provenance for each bean."

"Tonight's specials include beef wellington (long regarded as a major source of cholesterol and saturated fat), Cajun-style swordfish (suspected of containing PCBs and toxic metals), and chicken teriyaki (recent increase in the incidence of salmonella whi

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

Grocery Store - Warning: Contents may be hazardous to your health

Spaghetto

"Sure, pal, whatever you say. Ha ha! The salmon is fresh."

Spaghetti Mummy

'Romano, Romano, wherefore art thou Romano?'

"I want proof that I even need that much iron before I go eating all that spinach."

"I'll get the onion soup... it's the only thing on the menu that I don't know why it's bad for me!"

'Your trouble is that you don't appreciate good food.'

"It's got lettuce and pickle...why can't we call it a salad."

The Humpback Whale . . . or as the Japanese call it, sushi.

Please be gentle, waiter. This is my first salad. I'm sorry, sir, but there's a reason they call it "roughage."

"Start Sucking!"

"When no one's looking, I'm cramming this entire ball of pasta in my mouth."

"...We don't trust any restaurant that has room for us."

"It's not fair that ice cream melts, but broccoli doesn't."

Sen. Krupt. If they think watching sausage and laws being made is bad, they should see us tackle pork legislation!

'What! No garnish or side salad?'

"All right, let's admit genetically-modified foods will have an effect on people. It's fifty-fifty it'll be a good effect."

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'