Space Scenario Strategist Gifts

"We did a worst-case scenario of that asteroid hitting our planet."

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Frank and Ernest Celestial Accountants. How's the audit of the Bankrupt Universe, Inc. going, Ernie? At first I thought it was a personnel problem -- Halley's Comet shows up once every seventy-six years, the supernovas are a bunch of burnouts and of course planet Mercury only works eighty-eight days a year. But the real problem isn't personnel, it's corporate strategy! Strategy? What's wrong? Universe, Inc. thinks it can keep expanding and expanding forever and ever!

"All I'm saying is now is the time to develop the technology to deflect an asteroid."

"Our open-space office really stimulates information sharing when everyone removes their noise-cancelling headphones."

'It looks to me like they come in peace.'

"Take me to your thought leader."

"Because of the economic situation they've relaxed the rules."

"Don't do it - they're trying to beat us at our own game."

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

'Spock's expertise in M&A deal making was key to the formation of the Federation.'

Murphy's Bed meets Murphy's Law.

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

'Boy, look at his personal space!'

"My kitchen is very small. Do you have any with doors that swing in?"

Murphy bed...Murphy.

Jupiter, Saturn, Uranus, Neptune, Earth, Venus, Mars … Mercury … Um, Pluto? Charon? No, Pluto … or Eris? Ugh …

'No, you can't write off the cost of your wake-up call service.'

"We went with an open floor plan because it can really facilitate a shared sense of hysteria."

'How do you expect to play Canasta when you left your brain to science?'

'You won't lose any more money. We're the first fund with a GPS tracking system.'

"My first novel is a prequel of a sequel, it's about time travel."

"Phew! I narrowly avoided a near miss!"

'We would like to visit with you about the possibility of expanding our franchise...'

"To save money, all you need to do is pack all those clothes into this suitcase. Be sure to leave room for my shoes."

Possible Merger Talks

"We didn't have room to store the Halloween decorations so we put them on the Christmas Tree."

'Mom's in the bedroom trying on scenarios.'

"First, I storyboarded it."

'I want to be the first person to land on the sun.'

"My mistake. It was the mailman."

God lines up Siding Spring to pot Mars in the middle pocket.

Protecting batteries from the sun

Ok, I've set you up with an offshore back account, so you can hide your valuables for use after the oncoming apocalypse. You're too kind, sir. Where is it? Caymans? Switzerland? That's amateur stuff. The economy's increasingly global. When America goes down, it could take the Swiss and Cayman economies down with it. Then where – To open your account, I'll need your passport, tax returns, and a map of your genome. Bank of Deneb Prime. Trump turned me on to it.