Space-saving Critic Gifts

Collapsamatic

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"Flat pack furniture is my passion. It's just a shame I haven't the space to assemble it."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'What I don't like about computers is that you can't fire them.'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'Too pricey? Perhaps you wish to see something in macaroni and spray paint?'

"Don't you find her work just so wonderfully liberating!"

The lunar landing of Appollo 11 is shown as a hoax filmed in a studio.

'I had every intention of giving you your pay check, Ken, but the payroll computer has decided you don't deserve it.'

"Our generous pensions are unsustainable so I'm firing you."

A man sprays a bug in an organic foods shop.

Evolution of Man

"To save money, all you need to do is pack all those clothes into this suitcase. Be sure to leave room for my shoes."

You're not selling those silly upside-down tomato contraptions? I confess. They're fun! Fun? They're an affront to mother nature and common sense. A $3 seed packet grows enough for five families. Why sell over-priced fads? Mother nature never offered to pay my rent.

"We’ve been told to cut the drugs budget so in future Louella here will be chanting away your pain."

Bulltoon: Insatiabull.

'So, Pluto, you prefer the term 'little planet' to 'dwarf planet.' Is that correct?'

If you don't see what you want, we don't serve your kind here.

"And, in our continuing effort to minimize surgical costs, I'll be hitting you over the head and tearing you open with my bare hands."

"You forgot his tail."

'I say, it really shows off your astigmatism to its greatest advantage, doesn't it?'

Monsanto

"Our house wine is abominable."

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

"Are you sure these comment cards are anonymous?"

First Cynic in Space

"The government wants an international economy... Bosses on N.Y. salaries and everyone else on Mumbai wages."

"Does this say 'Our Saviour', to you?"

Foreclosure.

"Excuse me...is there a dressing room with a slimming mirror and soft light..."

The Slips of Capitalism

'Now I'll show you what turns a $6,000 operation into a $17,000 operation.'

Two kids caught playing dots & boxes on a Damien Hirst painting, spelling the word 'so-so'.

'This Valentine's, Ted and I are just giving each other more space.'