Soul Collector T-Shirts

"Here I am, Mother, gainfully and meaningfully employed, and all you can do is criticize."

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'Hamlet'

I only have eyes for you

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Now they're just taking the piss.'

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Try me/try me/try me...

'It must be the dead sea.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

The most fabulous Gran in the world.

"I have a huge house, millions in the bank, and a twenty year old wife. But am I happy?..."

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It's a fake - but all the hanging around the water cooler is down 57%!'

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Christian and Born again Christian...

"I haven't felt that overwhelming urge to create, but then again I haven't felt much of anything lately."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Santa's wash day.

"I want more than anonymous sex. I want anonymous intimacy."

Lovers

Feeling for shells

Then, after 3.7 million years...something funny happened.

'Your drug test came back positive. Welcome aboard.'

'Honestly, Geraldine, you're not like any other penguin I've ever met.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

'Music & Gym'

"Queen begins with Q, it should be precisely here."

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'