Faith Collector T-Shirts

"One god... one church... one collection."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Before the Internet

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Scene from 'Night of the Koala'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

A child interrupting family prayers

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

Useless information desk at trivia buff convention

Bearded Leftie.

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Meet the Author

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'The good stuff is here, under the counter.'

The Month of July

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

Funky Facts: Elephants.

''Masterpiece Theater' will not be seen tonight, so that we may bring you 'Slushpile Showplace'....'

"I wonder what this was for."

Who's Dead

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"Holy water, holy water...."

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

'How old is this vase?'

Car insurance, breakdown cover, mobile insurance, home insurance, camera insurance... - 'Life insurance, health insurance, professional indemnity, and tax insurance.' - 'Let the bad times roll... heh, heh!'

The Bible, signed copy.

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

Master Humphrey's visionary friends

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

"I've seen a lot in my time, Ted, but it was always from the cheap seats."

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'