Medicine Collector T-Shirts

'Dr Yomp's laxatives works for you, and loosens up the slots at the casino!'

'What do you recommend for the collecting bug?'

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'It seats two comfortably.'

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

What the patient heard and what the doctor meant to convey.

'Now you know where you left your tools.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

"It's a flip phone. I guess we can document this as an ancient, archaeological discovery."

"I'm sorry, I can't assist with this request."

"I like wine gadgets more than I like the wine!"

"I wonder what this was for."

Hague Convention Defied! Failure of the new Tommy-Scalder.

Doric, Ionic, Corinthian, and Broken Pillars.

Side Effects

'How old is this vase?'

'It's a medical miracle. According to your notes you should have been dead years ago!'

Jazz Bagpipes

"I never expected you to pay through the nose."

"Hmm interesting Hallmark..."

"As a confirmed hypochondriac, I rely on placebos to get me through the day."

'Well...all right...go ahead.'

'Your entire library consists of nothing but tabloids bound in Corinthian leather?'

'...but the good new is your old Enron stock has become a high-priced collectible!'

Doubling Gloucester Cheeses

Pawnshop: Genuine Fake Watches.

'Stamp auction' WW2 Victory stamps on two fingers

'To you, fifty quid - c'mon guv, it's HANDMADE!'