Soon-to-be-wed Couple Gifts

'uh, dear. I think we're supposed to write our own vows, not each others.'

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Wedding Day Itinerary.

Couples' therapy

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"Gals, you know I hate being the center of attention, so for the next 45 minutes I am going to monologue about all the minute details of my wedding planning."

"Congratulations. It's a chick."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Your pediatrician? No. . . I'm your baby's college admissions representatives.'

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'I felt it put it's little boot in then!'

Wedding bouquet spring loaded shoes.

"I'm texting you a love poem inspired by the emoji you sent me."

Wedding Fayre

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"Till death us do part? Don't be so bloody morbid!"

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

'Silly me, I brought the wrong book -- You two just swore an oath of celibacy.'

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

'We've postponed the wedding until we come up with something we can do at the ceremony that will become a viral video.'

Henceforth including, but expressly not limited to love and honor and cherish and ... These vows are light on romance, but they're iron-clad legally!

50,000 BC: The First Engagement Ring.

"Hold on—I'm getting information as to why these two should not be wed."

The Aisle

"Will the role of wife call for any nudity?"

"Don't you think we should wait to see the effects of the new tax code?"

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

'Don't try to sweet talk me, Eddie! You had your chance yesterday! We are through!'

'...Love, honor, cherish, and be careful what you wish for.'

"You may now begin your insane experiment."

Last night of freedom.