Engaged Couple Gifts

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

"We'd like you to leave out the poorer, sickness, and death parts - they're a little dark."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

'And do you,take Kevin to be your lawful wedded husband for three years or 50,000 miles?'

Couples' therapy

"Do you, Ashley, take Nesbitt and his genome to be your husband?"

"Was that until death do us part, or debt do us part?"

'Mind if I ask a few?'

'Do I promise to love, comfort, honor? Dude, that is NOT in the prenup!'

One of the hazards of outdoor weddings.

"Bride or Groom?"

'I hear they wrote their own vows.'

For better or for worse till debt do you part...

'Darling-I thought that now we're engaged....'

'...in sickness and in health, with full coverage or without...'

'Will open jars for food.'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Well, okay. But instead of prenuptial agreement, I want a quick get out clause.'

'... And do you James, take Cathy to be your lawfully wedded first wife?'

'uh, dear. I think we're supposed to write our own vows, not each others.'

'Take no notice, darling. He's just a bad loser.'

'To qualify for a license, you must pass the marriage test. We put you in a room with your prospective mother-in-law for 24 hours.'

"My wife and I both agree you're the perfect catch for our daughter."

'...I now pronounce you man and wife, anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.'

'...In best-case scenarios and in worst-case scenarios....'

"...and do you, John, give up your smug air of bemused detachment for the demands of marriage?"

"Do you, Helene and Ken, promise to love and honor, in sickness and health, government shutdowns or bi-partisanship, tax increases or tax refunds..."

"What God has joined together let no man put asunder."

"....After 'So long as we both do live', we'd like to ass 'or we get fed up with each other'."

"Control yourselves!... I only said you may kiss the bride!"

At first she thought it would be fun to write their own wedding vows.

The Plinth Wedding Planner Co.

"Do you, Amanda and John, promise to watch yourselves, mind your Ps and Qs, and generally step on eggshells in this marriage, in order to somehow keep it up and running for as long as possible?"

"And do you both agree to lower your expectations so this marriage will at least have a fighting chance?"

Marriage certificates: proceed with caution