Married Couple Gifts

"I'll agree to a pre-nup if you'll agree to a non-compete clause."

The Crossroads of Wisdom: Past Mistakes, Future Gambles and Listen to Your Wife.

How to understand your wife...

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"If I die first, you should remarry. If you die first, I'll get a dog."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

"I thought we agreed not to fight in front of the children."

'No Ken. Watching football and drinking beer at the same time is NOT multi-tasking!'

'We need to talk....' - 'Oh no.'

"And just exactly what is that expression intended to convey?"

"If you don't need anything, I'm going to shut down my emotions for the night."

'The opinions expressed by Mrs Latimore are her own, and do not necessarily reflect those of Mr Latimore.'

'...and this home includes a heated garage.'

"It's only until spring."

'Tell me your side of the story. I already know the truth.'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"You're going to clean the gutters? Wait! Let me first see if the emergency room takes reservations!"

"When does the improvement part of this improvement project kick in?"

'I told you this would happen if you kept leaving your clothes on the floor.'

'Rate me on a scale of one to ten!' 'Can I use fractions?'

"Oh I know when my wife is upset: She stops singing to me and starts talking..."

Stalemate

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

'Our staff is highly skilled mam, but getting your husband to grow a backbone is simply beyond our expertise.'

Men Are From Mars

'Oh good morning dear! I was just slipping out to get you an anniversary gift.'

"I guess this makes up for all those months you didn't speak to me."

'We're out of your regular granola, so try this...the birds seem to like it!'

"Now that I've moved my files down here to the basement, we'll be able to spend a lot more time together."

"Right now we're at a budget impasse. I maintain that you provide an essential service, and my wife feels that you do not."

"Honey, I still think you're the greatest."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

"I'd like a tattoo that says I'm my own man. But put it sompelace my wife won't see it."

'You were not 'listening' - you were just hearing. Listening requires both hearing AND giving a shit!'

'We'd just like to get away from all leading economic indicators for a while.'