Married People Gifts

'I vowed not to go to bed angry.'

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

Cry babies.

'I had my attorney draw this up. It states that if I choose to rise, I don't necessarily have to shine.'

"Do you, Darlene, take Jim to be your lawfully wedded husband, when you could, clearly, do far better?"

Their marriage in jeopardy, Strawberry Shortcake and Billy Bob Banana Bread seek therapy.

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

"I bought it off the therapist who's helping me kick my compulsive shopping disorder."

'Oh my God. I love it!'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Your wonderful daughter and I would like to become engaged in F.Y. '97, married in F.Y. '98, and if the numbers look good, start a family in F.Y. '99."

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"And do you, Deborah Tannen, think they know what they're talking about?"

"It was years ago, for a nature documentary, and they said it was going to be very artistic."

"It started with a mutual interest in martial arts and developed into an interest in marital arts."

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

'Well, he actually behaved pretty well for the first few minutes of the wedding ceremony....'

"According to this article, snoring can result in justifiable homicide."

'Okay.. what the hell.'

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

Mixed Doubles.

Try Mediation

Couples' therapy

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

'I now pronounce you man and wife, you now may kiss you sweet little bachelor butt goodbye.'

"...until death do you a favor."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."