Solo Performer Supporter Gifts

"Instead of a three-hour play with 20 performers, what about a single performer, alone onstage, telling jokes for 30 minutes?"

"Just be yourself."

'Yes! The momentum's going to shift now. Our home fan is starting to make some noise!'

Applause

Saxophone Player.

'Not even close man - easy listening's around the corner.'

"In da house"

"Since no one showed up, I'll keep my remarks brief."

Please consider donating your cancelled ticket so that we may sing again for you very soon.

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

A conductor practising in front of a mirror.

"Do you want my opinion as an art critic or as your best friend?"

"My one man play is now in the west end. I play Lee Harvey Oswald."

' It's really boring since they agreed to power sharing.'

"Don't be so mean...give him some money!"

Ken Dodd

"I almost had a 'I need a man' moment last night....but then I managed to get the cork out of the wine bottle myself."

'He wants to be the best pianist in the world.'

Violinist

"I set a limit: one pity play per actor friend per year."

'He's definitely not a top flite.'

'Bloody good idea!'

Standup translator...

Mime/Will Kill Mime.

Self-isolation synchronised swimming

Please Invest Generously

A Huge Bill Awaits You.

Help Wanted: One Man Band.

'Look, it's Saunders, formerly from accounting. He never was much of a team player.'

"Nonsense, Jay – my wife's ballet loses far more money than your wife's little theater company."

More than half of adult American women are unmarried. Go away. Studies show that many women try marriage, don't like it, get divorced and are happy just to date. and I just want you to know that when you're ready to get with the program, I'm prepared to be your rebound relationship. It feels good to contribute to society. It's a wonder any women are married.

'I did okay here until that bloody Elvis impersonated turned up'

Watching the Street Band

"Hey, man - a taser is not a heckle."

'I can't read a thing.' 'You're holding the card too close.'