Socratic Spirit Gifts

'Well, you DO have free will... you just choose to be a fatalist.'

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

The First Fire Stick

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'In this world, son, you've got to learn to push yourself.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"I'm not whining."

"Bird of paradise, my ass."