Sarcastic Soul Gifts

Company Legal Dept - "Do you think they'd take a bribe to drop the corruption charges?"

"Do you mind if I give you a little destructive criticism?"

"If I need to stop smoking and lose weight...what are you going to do about it?"

'Remember, guys, there's no 'I'll kill you before I ever budge an inch on any position' in TEAMWORK.'

'Oh alright...My gratitude blazes within me with the white hot intensity of a thousand burning suns...Now can I please have my newspaper?'

Manager - Grouchy Enter At Own Risk.

Hey, how was space? Fine. Jeez. The adolescent astronaut.

"You're not a completely worthless, Bates. I'm highlighting you as an example for others not to follow"

'Irony Board"

Sometimes a Good Excuse to Get off the Telephone is Hard to Find

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

But, I guess what it comes down to is this, in a world so full of pain and suffering, at least I can say I wore fun ties.'

O.K. Dokey, Attorney at Law

Complaints

"I told my boss there weren't enough hours in my day. He said that's why they invented the night."

'I am literally allergic to positivity.'

"She never shaves her legs...can she actually be going on a date?"

"Your Christmas bonus was that I didn't fire you!"

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'I must be growing up. I can feel my intelligence being insulted.'

"How can I say, thanks for the rubbish date last night?"

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

'You're still holding for Mr Stein? Press one for 'anger management'.'

;My wife insisted I get personally bonded...not that I work...she was afraid I might bore someone to death.;

'When it comes to giving, I stop at nothing, , ,'

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'I heard the old man is twisted.'

'When television insults Walter's intelligence, he insults it right back.'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Sorry, sir...The Health Department requires us to wear hair nets.'

Laugh, Live, Love, Loathe