Satirical Spirit Gifts

"This is a tune about going off the grid and getting back to nature."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"This machine kills fascists, and this machine kills fascists, and this one is just a guitar."

And so, Theron Heir, writer of Rudy Park, has unveiled the nature of the looming apocalypse … You're quitting? No. Taking a vacation. For one year. A whole year?! We'll miss commenting on the election! The country needs my incisive, unbridled passion for social justice! This is an outrage! AN OUT – Wait … are we going someplace tropical? Actually, we're auditioning new writers next week. I'm vacationing. You're still going to be here. An outrage!!!

'I cost them almost nothing. I don't have health care. I can be deleted at a moment's notice. I'm not a valued employee anymore. I'm an app.'

'Our email program is on the fritz again.'

'What will those kids be wearing next?'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

"Stick out your tongue and your wallet."

British savings accounts

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

'Can't they just switch to smaller barrels?'

Rich man vomiting euros to a beggar.

'Call me immediately if there's any serious side effects so I can notify my lawyer.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

Man Eating Minimalist Meal

"I chose to stand up to special interest groups!"

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

Reverse psychology

The World's Biggest Book Club

"Careful. That house has a taser."

Under new blame.

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

'Stop emailing me, I am standing right here.'

Coronavirus Windmills

"Welcome to Sugar Free Farm! The reality show, where celebs go cold turkey on their sugar addictions for two weeks."

"David live a rich, full life, despite what his Wikipedia page says."

"You do realise that the post is only part time, no more than 70 or 80 hours a week."

'I'd go back if I were you.'

Sign in doctors office - Malpractice Makes Perfect.

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"In school we learned about Staten Island. Is that where they make all those pills you take?"