Socratic Spirit Pillows

'Well, you DO have free will... you just choose to be a fatalist.'

"Brian's fine. He`s got his own coping mechanism."

'Congratulations, dear! Your home cooked dinner was so good you'd think it was an expensive frozen entree!'

The First Fire Stick

'I miss telling people they can't have a day off to be with their sick children!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

'How was your holiday?' - 'Fantastic! Great weather! Great food! No illness!' - 'So, back to work tomorrow, then?' - 'Yeah, I guess so.' - 'Lousy, germ free holiday.'

'Ms. Hatton, take a letter, a number and a hike...'

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

"I work smart, instead of hard. You do all the work and I take all the credit."

"As you can see from the books behind me, I pretend to read a lot of books."

"No, I said go knock yourself out."

"Sir, can I interest you in a luxury coffin?"

"I hate doing appraisals, it involves thinking about them."

"What I'm prescribing is so cutting edge, even I can't pronounce it."

"It was Socrates, wasn't it, who said, 'The unexamined life is not worth living'?"

'As soon as I mention Nietzsche - stop serving me, okay.'

Mitch learns he is not the brightest bulb in the chandelier.

"You dumb clod! Do you realize you're almost two minutes late?"

'He's always looking for an argument!'

'Wow! - Your diary is even more boring than MY diary!'

'What will it be tonight? Gore and dismemberment, idiotic and foul-mouthed comedy aimed at fifteen-year-old boys, a macho revenge fantasy, or our special combo platter?'

"Look, you guys call here all the time and we keep telling you - we don't tale telemarketing calls! If you call one more time, I..."

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"The damsel-in-distress thing is just one of several income streams that I pursue."

'It will cure every ailment known to man, the only side effect is, you'll choke to death trying to swallow it.'

This is a voice recognition service...we reserve the right to cut you off if you have an irritating nasal sort of voice.

I'm keeping my phone on...we'll need a wake up call after this guy speaks!

"This machine kills fascists, and this machine kills fascists, and this one is just a guitar."

"Oh, Stan, I love your sarcastic sense of humor."

"You know, crime doesn't pay... at least at your level."

"Pigheaded, Fat Scumbag, who should be wiped off the face of the earth, is there an emoji for that?"

"I'm not whining."