Socially Awkward Humor Fan Gifts

'Well my problem is that I can never tell if a girl likes me or not.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

The Rooster Comedian.

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

"And this song goes out there to any girl who might consider sleeping with me."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

Pastry Hat

Race track - with the race being to apply the white lines between lanes

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

At the primate speech center, Mokobo tries some stand-up comedy...

"Hey, welcome to the Catskills. Anyone here from New Jersey?"

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

'More government surveillance!'

'Here, we don't need a retirement plan. If you do your job as we want it, you'll directly go from your desk to hell.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

'Um, can I get a FOURTH opinion?'

Feline Stand Up - 'Fetching...how dumb is that? And another thing I don't understand...what's with all that TAIL WAGGING?'

Boomerang cow.

"Am I sensing fear?"

'And we'll give you all the carcinogens you can eat.'

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'

'I'm afraid I'll fall and no one will hear me.'

The Thinker?

'Yes, I'm sure Latestagrossa is the patient's name, and not the disease!'

'It's a shame you didn't get to use all those little blue pills before Ted died.'

"I think I'm as patient as the next person, but my husband wouldn't stop saying 'yo,' so I shot him."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"There may be a moral equivalent of war, but, by God, there is not moral equivalent of money."