Socializer At Heart Pillows

"I thought, 'Join me in a cup of coffee', was just an expression!"

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

'They're not beer stains. This is actually a 'Rorschach test' patterned shirt.'

Quiz Night...

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

The Devil's advocaat.

"I know you hate these parties. Just do your best to blend in."

"That's what I love about the game - it's so social."

Getting old...

Teleworking was the death of the office party

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

'Your drink, madam. Courtesy of the gentlemen at the bar.'

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

Cliques Amongst Mathematicians.

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

Running on Empty

'Mrs Gridlington doesn't like being referred to as 'duck' or 'dearie'...so I just call her 'the old trout'!'

"The other thing I love about drinking is that you can't do it online."

'I'm sorry darling. I'm not very good company tonight.'