Unconventional Socializer Pillows

"Ever since your brother has been under house arrest, we always have to go to his."

'At first I wasn't going to join, but with a name like that, how could I resist?'

Quiz Night...

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

Beer Garden Kit

The Devil's advocaat.

"I know you hate these parties. Just do your best to blend in."

"I'll have a Bloody Mary. And bring a Witch Hazel and tonic for the little woman."

Getting old...

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

"This one looks promising... likes sushi, long winter nights and chilling out in large groups."

A group of people sit in a coffee shop.

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

'Your drink, madam. Courtesy of the gentlemen at the bar.'

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

Cliques Amongst Mathematicians.

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

"You're a plumber, I'm a doctor. Now that I've given you some free medical advice, how about stepping into my kitchen and fixing my leaky faucet?"

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

'Well I'd love to stay and chat, but this is one of those 'get things done' days.'

"I've learned not to listen to critics who are right about me."

Running on Empty

"Maybe we should change the name of the parish to something cool, like the Protestants do and add a coffee bar."

'For a laugh I decided to have a potato chip tattooed on my arm - but the thing about potato chips, you can never stop at just one!'

'I'm sorry darling. I'm not very good company tonight.'

"The other thing I love about drinking is that you can't do it online."