Whimsical Socializer Pillows

"Of all the lazy, lowdown, deadbeat, pathetic losers you've ever met who had the most influence on you?"

"Home depot."

Spring Training

"This paw has you meeting a lovely poodle, an enchantress who will win your heart... but look, here, this is telling me she's lousy with fleas."

Newt sale

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

Quiz Night...

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

"Practicing my hate-face."

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

Beer Garden Kit

The Devil's advocaat.

Getting old...

"I'll have a Bloody Mary. And bring a Witch Hazel and tonic for the little woman."

Wow. That WAS a lot faster.

Magic Mushrooms

Ever since I was a calf, I've always wanted my own henchman!

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

'Have any of you guys seen a crap magician with a magic top hat?'

"You ruin every virtual party we go to!"

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

University Challenged

Mime artist reading: 'Thinking Outside the Invisible Box.'

Will Make You Sick So You Can Go Home.

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

Quwaket

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

"Hey! Pipe down over there! Can't you read the subtitle?"

A group of people sit in a coffee shop.

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

Does a bear poop in the Christmas tree lot?

'Your drink, madam. Courtesy of the gentlemen at the bar.'

'Of course, how else do you think we get off the ground? '

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!