Socializer Pillows

"I'm Generation Z. Nice to meet you."

Quiz Night...

'Looks like everyone has FINALLY gone home.'

It's called 'Pretentious.' It tastes like crap, but it's $100 per bottle!

'She's spring cleaning and you?'

"Would you like to be notified by text when I'm bored and want to go home?"

"I finally lost a few ounces with my activity tracker. I took it off."

"Really, you don't remember my husband?... Picture him lying on his back with a glass in his hand."

'Yes, of course I have to smoke these when I'm around people. They are WAY too expensive for when no one sees me.'

"David! It's only trendy to drink beer straight from the bottle!"

'I'm going to have a few drinks with the guys...don't wait up for me.'

"Every bar has its obnoxious drunk."

Sorry if I phoned you when I was pissed.

'I wish my wife would stop playing mind games with me. I'm tired of losing.'

Getting old...

The Janitor at the Harvard University Alumni Reunion is one of the Gang.

Bar. Don’t apologize for calling me a porpoise … Heck, I thought you were a crocodile!

I figured that since we were just going out for drinks, I'd invite my friend Randy. Great. It's absolutely not because I'm awkward with women and he's a stud and can give me quiet pointers when you go to the tinkle room. Ladies room. Only the occasional pointer! You're cute.

"I moved here just six months ago and already I'm part of the local color."

"Sorry, the nuts are only to attract new customers."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

"My email is down... talk to me."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Playing Fetch.

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"This place has the best happy hour."

"M'lady, we’ve reached peak Brooklyn."

"Now, were those friends of your Gettys or Gottis?"

"You're very interesting, for a civilian."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

Sloaney Pony.

'You wanna play another round?' 'Sure....tender, another round!'

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."