Social Norms Enthusiast Gifts

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

'You don't have to be a boring bastard to work here but it helps.'

"Great coffee, Carole."

"We have to stop meeting like this – people are starting to talk ‘psychiatric ward.’"

'I know a lot of wives let themselves go when they're married- but AFTER the reception?'

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

'... So I said to Dave; 'You're not going to wear that baggy old thing are you?' But, he decided to come nude anyway.'

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Maybe I will and maybe I won't - You're not prejudiced against transvestites, are you?"

'I want a holiday that will impress the neighbours, which country offers most kudos to the Pound?'

'We have a strict dress code. Can't let you in without a straightjacket and tie.'

Victorian woman at a bar.

"I feel like such a failure...I'm almost thirty five and I should be on husband number two, and starting my third career choice by now!"

"He must be very secure in his masculinity."

'-and stop saying 'who's carrying who over the threshold?''

'Believe me, son, she's a much better choice for you than that skinny girl, Cinderella!'

"Keep it 2 metres people!"

Al's Diner. No Tipping (wink, wink).

'The effects of aging are inevitable. Either accept it, or inject it.'

'Look at big woosy Sid, pushing his pram with two hands!'

'I pronounce you Wife and Man...'

"We're going to be late for the awkwardly standing around."

"I think they want you to leave it outside."

'Just who the heck are you to decide who's naughty or nice? Quit trying to impose your ideas of morality on everyone else!!'

"Since you don't know how to play house, you can be the dad."

'What are they all staring at - have I got two heads or something?'

"You've had to be kind to survive, and I've had to be nasty."

Woke Christmas - Consent form hanging next to a bunch of mistletoe.

'Are you sure you don't want to marry me just because I'm a woman?'

'So unladylike!'

'Drinking or passive drinking table ?'

"Hey man, there are certain things called unwritten laws."

What are YOU looking at!?!?

'No, this isn't my son, the doctor. This is my other son, the one who didn't make much of himself.'

'So... shall I put you down as a Miss, a Mrs, a Ms or a miffed?'