Social Network Jester Gifts

'My social network friends would never find me. They'd look for a 20 years old, slim and sporty guy with curly hair.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

Password Error: Snow White and the seven dwarfs not recognised as eight characters.

"Judgement Day: Division Four"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, my client would like to wave his right to a speedy trial.'

Hardware and software

'Kimble, I'm going to give you a chance at purchasing - nip over to the cafe and get me a cheese and pickle sandwich.'

Who should I call first? 911 or Technical Support?

'Can I sue someone because I didn't win my lawsuit?'

Stepping on clown's shoe...

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"#notguilty."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

"Just how long has there been a maraschino cherry at the top of the organizational chart?"

Yawning barristers in court

Bad Interview Technique

"The incessant chatter was driving me crackers, so I got him his own twitter account."

'I couldn't help noticing that nobody swore YOU in!'

'Make him laugh, make him cry.'

'Don't worry boss, it's probably archaic!'

Is there a spin doctor in the house?

"Dave here, is a lawyer. But don't be too impressed, he only specialises in petty crime."

'I want a win-win situation where both wins are ours.'

'My client has required the services of countless law enforcement, court, penal and probation personnel. He's not a menace...he's a jobs creator!'

'He started it!'

'Phone for help? Are you mad? Have you any idea how much it costs to use a mobile abroad?'

'It was more than my finest hour, Paltrow. It was my finest billable hour.'

'When you are done balancing in your chair we will continue the meeting.'

"I'm popping out for a tinkle."

'I believe in trial and error, I believe my client being brought to trial is an error.'

"Once again, I simply don't recall."

"'Ignorance of the law is no excuse.' Golly! I never heard that one! Did you ever hear that one?"

'Any questions?'

Justice