Social Media Saavy Pillows

"Isn't it enough we tip well? Must we also like him on Facebook and follow him on Twitter?"

Lynching on social media

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Greetings, I'm the bluebird of dank memes."

21st century water cooler conversations.

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

"I got 30 likes but Mom's was not one of them."

"Are we going for suntan, personal development or being the envy of our friends on Instagram?"

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

Giving birth with your husband present may be more painful.

"Could you please focus on the objective of this meeting, Tom... you can get back to your 300 followers later."

"If it doesn't happen on Facebook, it didn't happen."

Digital Fomo!

"Waiter, can you heat this up? The wild salmon got cold while I was posting it to Instagram."

"What does it mean? Heck, I don't know! It's mystifying!"

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Updated Classis: Alice Through the You Tube.

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

I put a picture of my lunch on Facebook, and nobody hit "like." Who doesn't like Slim Jims and beer?

Selfie Stick

Giraffe Selfie

"Before I do this, I would ask everyone to please delete the footage in the event of this not going as planned."

'I have multiple personalities and they are all following me on Twitter.'

"And to my nephew, Todd, I leave my 27 Twitter followers."

"You can use the alphabet to text. You can use the alphabet to tweet. Why can't you use the alphabet to spell?"

"Where have you been? This content's not going to create itself."

Ice shelfie.

Online Dating

Trick or Tweet

"The video of you eating my $700 John Varvatos got 300 'likes.'"

"Will follow you on social media for food."

"Yes, social media's a great way to express your opinions - shame you feel 'ignored and unappreciated by an aloof, faceless boss' - but that's because I haven't a clue who you are or what you do around here!"

"Oh, Frank, look! He's sending his first tweet!"

'Impressive resume, We'll verify it through Facebook, Twitter and Tumblr and get back to you,'

I just hope my doctor is not on twitter too!