Social Media Muser Gifts

"I don't need therapy, but I'm concerned about my avatar. He's pretty screwed up."

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"He really isn't bad, per se, but he is kind of a jerk."

Selfie

God's map of the universe

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

"It looked different on the internet."

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"So, while extortion, racketeering, and murder may be bad acts, they don't make you a bad person."

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'I thought elephants never forgot, but according to these results you have alzheimer's disease.'

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

Devil worried because he feels good

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

'You have to learn to face reality.', 'Can't I just sneak up on it?'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

Cafe Philosophique

society of cartoonists...

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

Optimistic Paranoia.

"If a stock falls in the market and no one's around, does it really lose its value?"

'They say medicine is a calling. . . but it's days like this I wish I'd had call waiting.'

"He was a prolific writer who made a lot of mistakes and eventually lost his mind. It all sounds so pointless."

"I'm thinking of getting out of medicine completely… or volunteering in a third world country to do my liposuction."

'I keep making the same mistake over and over again, marrying for love.'

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."