Social Life Humorist Pillows

"We'll be catering the school dance!"

"Tight......this isn't tight...now a New York City apartment......that's tight."

"Wait, those crunchy, cheesy little fish thingies are free?!"

"I'm just a girl, standing in front of a buoy..."

"We think it has something to do with your genome."

Peter

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'I can validate both your feelings and your parking.'

'I can't take much more of the happiness treadmill.'

"It's a 'selfie.'"

Better Living Through Technology

"And that was my day at the office. Thanks, Alice, you've been a great audience!"

"You ain't wearin' a brassiere." "How could you tell?" "Cuz the wrinkles are all stretched out of yer face."

"He doesn't have to worry about his preschool placement - he interviews well."

'It says I can't access Pharaoh's tablet unless I'm on his buddies list.'

"You're not just a number here. You're a number who hasn't been fired yet."

The Militant Unionist

"Er, sorry guys. It didn't look this big on instagram!"

"At work, they call me benchmark."

The First Selfie!

Street person selling bricks from wall he's leaning on.

Rocket charmer.

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'I'm bored.'

"Stop saying 'Content is King'!"

"Ahem, if you're planning to rob the place could you please get a move on."

"You don't need a prescription, Mr. Beesley - you need an iron...."

I'm no good at small talk

"Look at the bright side, you finally have followers."

"Your online comment meets the offence of serious insult. The 13 spelling mistakes in the 17 words of your comment constitutes a crime against the English language!"

Castle with parking lot.

"The point is, Hutchens, a younger man could jump higher."

Two Men Dining.

Pray