Social Conservative Chuckler Pillows

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

"The subwoofers really help."

'Fred is a social conservative -- he believes in slow food and heavy beer.'

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

'Ain't no lonelier life than being a free-range chicken boy.'

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Various Birds of Pray.

'If you must laugh, will you do it in the humour section please?'

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

Good news - we've found your car.

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

"Isn't this just a repeat of his 1332 Christmas special."

"When the boss said he could replace me with a trained monkey, I replied, prove it! Me and my big mouth."

'So, Cameron and Clegg have formed a coition.' - 'Sorry, coalition.' - 'Reminder to self. 'No more cheese before bed time.''

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

'If you insist on laughing please use the humour section.'

J-J-JOE'S B-B-BAR, 'Actually, Joe's done pretty well for a guy with a speech impediment.'

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"Would you describe yourself as conservative voter."

Thank God for the misfits and dregs of society!

Man buying 'Caviar Wiz'

'...and I promise not to make any rash promises...OOPS!'

'Oh no! Not another customer looking for a mortgage...'

'Das Kapital' written by Groucho Marx

'I'm fed up with this hosepipe ban... I mean, it's not like we really need one.'

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.

"Why wasn't I adopted by a middle-class family in the suburbs?"

'I still say Global Warming is a conspiracy.'