Skeptical Chuckler Pillows

'...and on that you have my word.'

"Our cat is the only god this home needs."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Behold! I am God! I know all. Yet I'm constantly testing you even though I already know what you'll do. But I'll still punish you for the sins I planned for you to do. And you'll suffer in a fiery pit, tormented beyond imagining forever and ever and ever

Cafe investors: I'd like your support in acquiring the lemonade stand down the street. By cutting redundant labor, marketing and technology. I place our annual savings at $17 billion. The phone company investors bought it. Can monkey lick your head?

'He hasn't responded to training - he still insists on taking Alec to his slippers....'

"We've now got a higher approval rating than the media."

Jesus Christ

"We’re having privacy concerns with your omniscience."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

'I make certain all my clients are pessimists...they don't expect to win.'

"My glass is half empty"

Your Winning Lottery Numbers Told: 'If they are really what you say - how come you can only afford a tent?'

Various Birds of Pray.

The Big Four debate banking ethics

Kisses--Sniff Your A-hole.

'Everyone's a stand-up comic these days.'

"You've got to admit, he wears the 'that dog won't hunt' label with a lot of class!"

Amen Corner: 'I say 'Aeemeen'...'Aeeemeeen'...'Aeeeeeemeeen'.'

'You were afraid for the drill?'

"They never would have got away with that in the Old Testament."

'Time's up, chuckles.'

"Your total is $10.97 and this is only $6."

"I've found it the easiest way to administer nose drops!"

"If I knew next week's winning lottery numbers do you think I'd be sitting here telling you."

Man buying 'Caviar Wiz'

'Alimony is like having to pay instalments on a car after you have written it off!'

"There's only one of them roaming around now. The others are in self-isolation."

Mayfly holds a sign saying "The end is night".

'The spirit is very positive about your future...'

"If we do run into any complications, Gerry will just Google it."

'Was that you who screamed?'

Why Moms and Boxing don't mix.

'Oh no! Not another customer looking for a mortgage...'

Hello, you have reached the Johnsons. All of our family members are currently busy sharing the events of their day. Please continue to hold, and the next available 4-year-old will be with you shortly. Machines Programmed for Telemarketers.