Soccer Virtuoso Gifts

Piper and football

"Counsel for prose is overruled. Poetry, you may continue."

'Sure beats your cupping your ear!'

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"All our extras are ex-soccer players - they're the best at dramatically faking injuries."

"Gabe's in the Guitar Hero program at Juilliard."

Kitchen Tetris

Even good cholesterol can develop an unhealthy sports addiction...

'How many times have I told you not to hit the ball with your head?'

Football

Ball as water-melon.

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'Oi, nobody gives me a kiss.'

'I think I've scored.'

So far the coaching exchange program was hitting a few snags.

"I'm afraid you have a condition called 'googly-eyes'."

"All those training sessions, seminars and studies... ... to reinforce the reality of womens equality and extirpate any remnants of a deluded belief in male superiority When all we had to do was show them Rachel Daly doing a bicycle kick GASP!"

Westview High School Soccer League Victory Dinner

The Goalkeeper

"In my next album 'Gettin' Back', I refute all the strong beliefs expressed in 'Gettin' There', my previous album."

'I reckon we need a new sweeper.'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

"Fancy dyeing your hair white so everyone could see it was you who played a shocker!"

"Before we begin. . . terms and conditions. . ."

Soccer coach of the year.

Wilfried Zaha

'What makes you think we'll lose today?'

Are you aware...Professional soccer players who fake fouls with pretend injuries are eligible for a soccer oscar!

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

A woman watches football on her computer.

Help wanted!...Ace Software, Inc...Video Game Tournament...Top 5 players get hired!

'Coleridge'

'Blimey, boss - that's a bit revolutionary, isn't it?'